BULLYING: FOR GIRLS

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is when one person or a group of people repeatedly hurts someone else. Bullying involves hurting someone who is often weaker or less confident. There are many types of bullying, and for young women, bullying usually involves more teasing than hitting. Bullying is often done on purpose and it can happen anywhere, such as at school, in the park, on a sports team or even at home. Often the person being bullied has a hard time defending herself.

Bullying can be:

· Leaving someone out of group activities on purpose, such as being part of a clique and not letting others join

· Ignoring someone — giving them the 'silent treatment'

· Using the Internet, instant messenger and/or e-mail to hurt others (also called cyber-bullying)

· Making faces and/or bad gestures with your hands at someone

· Using people to get something you want, such as making friends with someone who is smart just so they can do your homework for you

· Making fun of someone for being 'different'

· Forcing someone to do something embarrassing or dangerous in order to join a sports team or social group (also called hazing)

· Name-calling, teasing, gossiping and/or spreading rumors

· Hair pulling, biting and pinching

· Threatening and scaring others

· Hitting, punching and shoving

Bullying happens to lots of girls every day. Keep reading to find out more about bullying and how you can help put an end to it.

Did You Know? · Around 5.7 million teens are involved in bullying as either the bully, a target of bullying or both. · One out of four young people are bullied. · Almost 50 percent (half!) of all young people have been bullied at some time during their school years.

Why Do Young Women Bully?

Young women tease one another, spread rumors and pick fights to be mean. Why? For most people, bullying is a way to feel better about themselves, feel important and control other people. Young women also think they will be popular if they make fun of others and spread gossip. What they don't know is that bullying is not cool!

Young women bully:

· To get attention

· To get what they want

· To gain respect

· To become more popular

· To feel better about themselves

· To punish people they are jealous of

· Because they think it's fun to hurt others' feelings

· Because others are doing it

Why Do Young Women Get Bullied?

Many young women who are bullied do not try to get out of the situation, mainly because they do not know that many other teen girls are bullied each year. Some teens are so afraid of losing their friends that they go along with what others say and do, even if it is mean and hurts themselves or other people.

So why do certain people get bullied? Why are they bullied more than others? Often, bullies target people they are jealous of or people they know will not fight back. Also, bullies pick on people who seem 'different' from themselves or their friends. Many times, young women want so badly to fit in with the popular crowd, that they do not tell on bullies when they are picked on or made fun of.

Why a young woman who is bullied may not ask for help:

· She may be afraid to stand up for herself or voice her opinions.

Amy's story: The school bully has been telling Amy that her clothes are ugly. Amy is shy and less likely to stand up for herself, which is probably why the bully chose to pick on her. Amy thinks that if she tells the bully she doesn't care what she thinks of her clothes, it will make things worse.

· She is too afraid to get help from anyone, especially adults.

Megan's story: Rumors are going around that Megan had sex with someone at a party. It's not true, and her feelings are hurt that people are spreading lies about her. Megan doesn't want to tell an adult because she thinks it would not be cool.

· She may not have her friends around and feels unable to defend herself.

Keisha's story: Keisha heads to the bathroom during lunch at school. The group of girls already in the bathroom makes fun of her and calls her names, because she is alone.

· She is seen as different from everyone else because of her age, weight, clothing, family, money, race, ethnicity and religion. She also may have different ideas and hobbies that others think are weird.

Fatima's story: Fatima, who is Muslim, wears a headscarf to class. She often gets teased and laughed at, because she is seen as different than the other kids at school.

What Is Cyber-Bullying?

Cyber-bullying is repeatedly hurting someone else through the use of technology. So, instead of whispering a rumor to a friend, a bully might e-mail or instant message that rumor or post it on the Internet for everyone to see! Or the bully might use technology to ignore you. An example of this would be a friend all of a sudden ignoring your e-mails or instant messages.

Types of cyber-bullying include:

· Blogs

· Instant messaging

· E-mail

· Chat rooms

· Text messaging

Many teens today, especially girls, use technology to bully others. In fact, one study found that twice as many girls as boys had bullied someone online.

Here are some tips that may help protect you from cyber-bullying:

· Don't give out personal information online, whether in instant message profiles, chat rooms, blogs or on Web sites.

· Don't tell anyone your e-mail or instant messaging passwords, even your friends.

· If someone sends a mean or threatening message, don't respond. Save it and show it to a trusted adult.

· Don't be a cyber-bully, because you just may find yourself on the other end of the cyber-bullying down the road.

How Can Bullying Hurt You?

Not only can bullying hurt someone's feelings, it can have other more serious effects. Some problems can even last until you are an adult! Bullying can play a role in:

· Sadness, hurt feelings, loneliness and even depression

· Poor body image, low self-esteem and even eating disorders, especially when teased about weight

· Skipping school, bad grades and being afraid to go to school

· Headaches, stomach aches and anxiety

· Trouble sleeping

· Thoughts and acts of suicide, in very bad cases

Remember …

Bullying others or being bullied can hurt someone both physically and emotionally — and affect you long after you become an adult!

Can Being the Bully Hurt You?

Did you know that being a bully also can cause you serious problems? Young women who bully are more likely to drop out of school, have poor grades, use drugs and shoplift. Bullies are just more likely to get in trouble, especially when they are caught bullying others. Would you want to always get in trouble, have bad grades and hurt other people? Probably not! If you're still not convinced that bullying is bad, keep reading to learn more interesting facts.

· Childhood bullies are much more likely to commit a crime by age 24.

· Often, childhood bullies are violent when they are older.

· Bullies take part in many bad things, such as drug and alcohol use, and smoking.

· Childhood bullies may not change and may be bullies as adults.

· Bullies are more likely to get into fights and steal.

Stopping Bullying

Now that you know why young women bully and the bad effects bullying can have, what can you do to stop bullying?

What Can You Do If You See Someone Being Bullied?

Although you may not be directly involved in the bullying, there may be times when you see others being bullied. And even though it may be easier to stand by and watch or ignore the bullying, try to keep in mind, we all need a little help from time to time. Think about how you might feel if the bullying was happening to you. Here's how you can make a difference:

· Don't join in on bullying. If you see someone being bullied, don't join in. If the bully tries to get you to help, refuse and walk away.

· Stop the rumors. Don't help spread rumors about another person. You wouldn't want rumors spread about you, so don't do it to someone else! If someone gossips to you, let it end with you — don't pass it on to others. You can even tell that person you're not interested.

· Tell an adult. Don't just stand there and watch, especially if someone is being hurt physically. Tell an adult about the bully and what's going on. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe telling an adult, ask the adult to keep your comments private.

· Offer help. When the bully is gone, try and help the person who was bullied and make sure he or she is OK. Encourage her to talk to an adult and stick up for herself.

When you help someone who's being bullied, you are not just helping someone else, you're also helping yourself. It's important to stand up for what you believe in and help others when you can.

What Can You Do If You Are Being Bullied?

You think you're a good person and you don't make anyone mad, at least not on purpose. So what do you do if you are bullied? Should you let it happen? Here are tips on what you can do if you are being bullied:

· Tell an adult. Many young women fear telling an adult because they don't want to look like a snitch or seem weak. However, adults can help end the bullying. Also, it may make you feel better to tell an adult.

· Stand up for yourself. Believe it or not, this will help you gain respect from others. Practice what you might say to a bully with a friend, your mirror or an adult. Practice saying it in a firm, confident voice. You may even encourage others to protect themselves from bullying, too.

· Tell the bully to stop. Calmly walk away. Believe in yourself and tell others how you feel and what you think. You will gain respect from others. Also, by leading the way and showing others that you can't be bullied, you can help prevent bullying in the future. You can also encourage others to protect themselves from bullying.

· Do not fight back! It's hard to do, but walk away from a bully and ignore them. If you give in to a bully and fight back, you could end up getting in trouble instead of the bully! If someone is hurting you physically, try to call for help or get away fast and get help from an adult.

· Lighten the air! Make a joke to lighten up the mood. Say something funny to distract the people involved.

· Make new friends and get involved. Making friends, and having interests and extracurricular activities, will make you feel better about yourself and the bullying situation. It will introduce you to people who share similar interests. When making friends, make sure you have positive friendships that are fun and free of bullying.

· Don't blame yourself. It's important for you to know that it's not your fault. No one deserves to be treated this way. If you're being bullied, try to stop it either by yourself or with help from an adult.

· Be strong! Bullies like to upset people, particularly those who can't stand up for themselves. Be in control so that the bully won't feel in control. It's important to feel confident and have good self-esteem. Even if you don't feel it at the moment, acting like you do will help. You may find that you are pretty good at handling a bully after all, and the next time you won't have to fake the confidence.

What Can You Do to Prevent Being Bullied?

· Avoid bullies when you can

· Walk to school and eat lunch with a friend

· Act confident

· Stay near adults

· Believe in yourself

What Can You Do If You Are a Bully?

Many people may be bullies and not even know it! Once you realize that you are bullying others there are things you can do to stop. Read the following tips to learn how to make a change and become a better person:

· Recognize and admit that you are a bully, and that your actions are hurting people.

· Talk to an adult that you trust. Talk to an adult or school counselor to learn how to ditch your bullying ways. Don't worry about getting into trouble — adults will be proud of you for wanting to change your ways.

· Look within yourself. Find better ways to deal with anger and be happy such as keeping physically active, getting involved in extracurricular activities, developing positive friendships and talking with an adult.

· Form healthy relationships. Form positive relationships with people your age, as well as adults.

· Put yourself in their shoes. How do you think being bullied would make you feel? Try to understand how your actions make them feel.

· Make a change! Change your actions and be friendly to others.

What Can You Do to Prevent Bullying in Your School?

Why not make a pledge to not bully others and to help those who are bullied? This way, you can raise the awareness of bullying and get on the right path towards preventing bullying in your school.

Also, the best way to get more involved with bullying prevention in your school is to encourage your parents and school personnel to get involved.

What Is Hazing?

Hazing is any activity expected of someone becoming part of a group or trying to keep status in a group that humiliates, degrades or risks emotional and/or physical harm, regardless of the person's willingness to participate.

Bullying usually involves excluding someone from a group, but hazing is different because it's part of a process to join a group. Most people think of college fraternity and sorority initiations when they think of hazing. But hazing happens at all ages, to both men and women, and it happens to people from all different backgrounds. At the middle and high school levels, hazing often occurs in sports teams, with current team members 'initiating' new members. Many people think of hazing as a harmless part of growing up, as something that everyone goes through at some point, but hazing is harmful, both physically and emotionally. Physical wounds heal, but a victim of hazing can carry the emotional scars with them for life.

Common types of hazing include:

· Sleep deprivation and restrictions on personal hygiene

· Yelling, swearing and insulting new members/rookies

· Being forced to wear embarrassing or humiliating clothing in public

· Being forced to eat vile substances or smearing of such on one's skin

· Brandings

· Physical beatings

· Binge drinking and drinking games

· Sexual simulation and sexual assault

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