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Violence is becoming a more frequent occurrence in today's society. Children are being exposed to more violence in their communities and schools. Conflict resolution and violence prevention are important subjects to discuss with your children. This information can help guide these discussions and offers practical advice that you and your child can use in everyday situations.
It is important that you and your children learn to take precautions against becoming the victims of a violent crime. Here are some important steps that you can take to keep yourself and your children safe:
· Teach your children safe routes for walking in your neighborhood.
· Encourage them to walk with a friend at all times and only in well-lighted, busy areas.
· Stress how important it is for them to report any crimes or suspicious activities they see to you, a teacher, another trustworthy adult, or the police. Show them how to call 911 or the emergency service in your area.
· Make sure they know what to do if anyone tries to hurt them: Say "no," run away, and tell a reliable adult.
It is important to support your children in standing up against violence. Teach them to respond with calm but firm words when others insult, threaten, or hit another person. Help them understand that it takes more courage and leadership to resist violence than to go along with it.
Help your children accept and get along with others from various racial and ethnic backgrounds. Teach them that criticizing people because they are different is hurtful, and that name-calling is unacceptable. Make sure they understand that using words to start or encourage violence-or to quietly accept violent behavior-is harmful. Warn your child that bullying and threats can be a setup for violence.
In addition to offer guidance about conflict resolution, parents should act as role models for healthy problem solving. Keep in mind that children often learn by example. The behavior, values, and attitudes of parents and siblings have a strong influence on children. Values of respect, honesty, and pride in your family and heritage can be important sources of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative peer pressure, live in a violent neighborhood, or attend a rough school.
Most children sometimes act aggressively and may hit another person. Be firm with your children about the possible dangers of violent behavior. Remember also to praise your children when they solve problems constructively without violence. Children are more likely to repeat good behaviors when they are rewarded with attention and praise. You can teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by:
· Discussing problems with them,
· Asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and
· Talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.
This kind of "thinking out loud" together will help children see that violence is not a helpful solution. Parents sometimes encourage aggressive behavior without knowing it. For example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn to fight. Teach your children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists, threats, or weapons.
Help your children learn constructive, nonviolent ways to enjoy their free time. Teach them your favorite games, hobbies, or sports, and help them develop their own talents and skills. Read stories to younger children, take older children to the library, or tell family stories about admired relatives who have made the world a better place.
Hitting, slapping, or spanking children as punishment shows them that it's okay to hit others to solve problems and can train them to punish others in the same way they were punished. Physical punishments stop unwanted behavior only for a short time. Even with very harsh punishment, children may adapt so that it has little or no effect. Using even more punishment is equally ineffective.
Nonphysical methods of discipline help children deal with their emotions and teach them nonviolent ways to solve problems. Here are some suggestions:
· Giving children "time out"-making children sit quietly, usually 1 minute for each year of age (this is not appropriate for very young children),
· Taking away certain privileges or treats, and
· "Grounding" & not allowing children to play with friends or take part in school or community activities (this is only appropriate for older children or adolescents).
Punishment that involves taking away privileges or "grounding" should be consistently applied for realistic, brief periods.
Children need to feel that if they make mistakes, they can correct them. Show them how to learn from their errors. Help them figure out what they did wrong and how they can avoid making similar mistakes in the future. It is especially important not to embarrass or humiliate your children at these times. Children always need to feel your love and respect.
A positive approach to changing behaviors is to emphasize rewards for good behavior instead of punishments for bad behavior. Remember that praise and affection are the best rewards.
It's also helpful to stay involved in your community. A network of friends, neighbors, and family can offer fun, practical help, and support when you have difficult times. Reducing stress and social isolation can help in raising your children.
Get involved in your community and get to know your neighbors. Try to make sure guns are not available in your area as well. Volunteer to help in your neighborhood's anticrime efforts or in programs to make schools safer for children. If there are no programs like this nearby, help start one!